I'm Officially Obsessed

     You'd think I've noticed before that I have a nasty tendency to go overboard with things I want to do. In today's case (not today so much as lately), it happens to be wedding fever. We haven't made any official announcements yet (mostly because of me), but we've been planning quite a bit. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, yay, because I'm getting married to someone who likes me, which is pretty rare. The people liking me, not the getting married to someone who likes you. I suspect that's fairly common, even if the liking rarely lasts.
     I digress. The whole point of this post is to  tell the world (or myself in three years) that I am obsessed. There should be some type of BA association that allows brides like me to get a handle on their problem. I wake up and look over sites about the difference between fondant and gumpaste. I am considering crafting a bunch of decorations out of teacups and paper mache.
     Also, burst into tears because of the thought that people might not like my dress, or the bridesmaids' dresses, or the theme. From there, became convinced that everyone was out to get me and didn't want me to get married, which fine because who wants to spend all their money on a wedding anyway. Except I do and it would be awesome and wonderful, but what if his parents hate me, etc...
     The general idea is clear. But the truth is that I need to focus on what is important in my life right now. And trust that if I follow the commandments and all the things that I am supposed to do, then I'd be able to finish everything as it should be done. That also means that everything will fall into place as long as I follow what I know I need to do.

     Also, I've started a new project: reading all the talks by the last two prophets. It should be interesting.
  

Eh.

So, what with my newfound obsession with weddings, I thought I should start chronicling everything that I need to do for it and how I'm doing it.
Also, I've recently discovered a love for the series "Fruits Basket". Instead of planning wedding things, I've been watching the series. It started out a bit childish, but has been getting progressively better. Apparently, it may be a custom to watch the New Year's sun come up. I'll be able to do that one this year, since I'll be working the graveyard. Sigh. Now I have to go to work. I wish I hadn't signed up for an activity shift today. Not because I dislike them, but more because I'd prefer to be snuggled in bed.

So, among the list of things I need to do:
- Finalize the guest count
- Get my ring resized.
- Start planting the garden before the ground is frozen. O_o

I'm happy, right?

For some reason today, I just can't sleep. I'm not sure why. I have work in the morning and I have a lot to do, but my thoughts are whirling around crazily. One of highlights of my day was hearing about my boss' (Mental Health-related, not law-related) magical powers. Which he does have. For some reason, whenever a problem arises at work and it affects his life, he makes it disappear instantly. Of course, the HSWs have some issues with him when he doesn't solve all the problems and brings people who make their lives difficult back, but that doesn't lessen his magic powers.
Maybe he should learn to use them better. That way, he could fix my life.
I think the real issue here is that nothing seemed to happen today. It was a good day, by all accounts, but left me feeling dissatisfied. I worked, ate lunch (tasty yummy sushi), went to work, saw my S.O. (significant other), then retired to my room to mull over the day. That's not a bad day by any means, but as I said, unsatisfying, like there's something else I should be looking for. Is this what it means to be an adult? That you spend the entirety of your day on a tiny treadmill, then go to sleep wishing that what you were doing meant more? Is tomorrow Tuesday? I volunteer on Tuesdays. I thought I'd love this, but I hate it. It's the same job I get paid for, except I don't get paid and nobody talks to me. Being a volunteer apparently means sitting in a windowless room that smells strongly of curry, where people deposit tasks in your box, then have you deposit the finished product in their box. Haven't they heard that human interaction is good? At this point, I'm not sure I'll keep this up. I like the legal experience I'm getting, but I get no real feedback and it interferes with my naps.
As I said, I'm happy. I'm not unhappy by any means. I just wish that I could do something meaningful, find out why I'm here.

Life (or something like it)

I woke up this morning thinking about what I've done over the past year. I'm not really sure why rainy weather makes me want to look at my goals, but it does. I think it may also be that I was reading "God is the Answer in an attempt to get myself out of the mood that's been rearing its ugly head with the non-stop rain this week. One of the passages is about trusting God and not being dependent on other events to be happy. I mulled it around in my head a bit and realized that a lot of things have happened this year because of God's influence in my life. A lot of the things that "I've accomplished" were really only possible with His help because at the beginning of this year, I was so depressed that leaving my bed to go to class was almost impossible for me. I digress, though. I'm a lot better now and I'm happy with my life. Ish. 

Back on track then.

What I've done this year:

- Broke up with my old boyfriend and stayed friends with him. Yay!

- Made a few friends that I didn't have before.

- Started meetup groups online, where I mostly hung out with people from work. Which is fine because the people I work with are AWESOME.

- Started dating my current boyfriend, who is quite possibly the sweetest guy on the face of the planet. (I suspect him of being a serial killer, but that's really quite irrelevant.) For some odd reason, he appears to find me enthralling, which goes back to him being a serial killer, but that's fine.

- Went on several road trips: Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Boise, to be precise. 

- Made a bucket list of things to do. That's on this list because it was quite a project. It took an entire weekend. 

- Graduated from law school. Gimpily, but still graduated.

- Became obsessed with sushi and tried several restaurants.

- Took the Idaho Bar Exam. Passed the Idaho Bar Exam.

- Started a board game group, which sounds more boring than it is. 

- Made an 8 course dinner with the help of above suspicious boyfriend. 

- Got a part-time job doing legal work, which is nice. 

Hum. That's a fairly short list, but I find it meaningful. I'm grateful for everything that's happened this year. I feel like my life is going somewhere. Slowly, maybe, as I figure stuff out. But it's definitely doing something. 

Okay, I doubt my boyfriend is a serial killer. He's more likely part-robot or something like that. 

How to be Invisible in Your Own House

This is one of those times where I wish I could illustrate things and add pretty pictures of what I do. But, unfortunately, I can't, despite those drawing lessons. I bet my brother could illustrate this, but I digress. 

Today is one of those days where I just want to build a fort out of blankets and hide. Like so:

Unfortunately, that leads to uncomfortable questions about why it seems reasonable to hide under blankets at 25. So, the next best thing for me is to apply skills that I've learned from clients at work on how to make people forget you exist. 

1. Have on hand things that don't require silverware or plates. An easy way to do this is to have paper plates on hand or eat off napkins. 

2. Get awesome headphones. The last thing you want is for people to know you're awake or home because of the sound of your computer. 

3. Get a netflix subscription (or hulu, or whatever). 

4. Make sure your room is clean.

The best way to get people to ignore you is to make sure there's absolutely nothing to say to you. If you have dirty laundry, a dirty room (or side of the room), dirty plates, or anything else that might require someone else's input. 

There's more to this, but for now, I'll take a nap. 

Almost the end of September

I'm not sure exactly where the last 4 months have gone. Something about not working full time just makes my brain melt into nothingness. Also, it's possible that time has just decided to speed up so that I can be 30 sooner. That would suck.
But what doesn't suck is my baking frenzy last night. I decided to make some peanut butter bars, pretzels, and tasty pull-apart bread. I've recently discovered an obsession with foodgawker, so I've been trying their recipes.
The peanut butter bars are your typical Nestle ones with this recipe:

Ingredients

• 2 cups peanut butter, divided
• 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, softened
• 2 cups powdered sugar, divided
• 3 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 1 1/2 cups (8-oz.) Nestle Toll House Mini Morsels, divided

conversion calculator

Directions

GREASE 13 x 9-inch baking pan. 

BEAT 1 1/4 cups peanut butter and butter in large mixer bowl until creamy. Gradually beat in 1 cup powdered sugar. With hands or wooden spoon, work in remaining 1 cup powdered sugar, graham cracker crumbs and 1/2 cup morsels. Press evenly into prepared baking pan. Smooth top with spatula. 

MELT remaining 3/4 cup peanut butter and remaining 1 cup morsels in medium, heavy-dutysaucepan over lowest possible heat, stirring constantly, until smooth. Spread over graham cracker crust in pan. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour or until chocolate is firm. Cut into bars. Store in covered container in refrigerator.

The only change I made to this is to add fewer morsels because I don't like the thickness of the chocolate coating. Otherwise, these are pretty easy. The only thing to watch out for is the inconsistent texture. Watch it like a hawk to make sure that it's creamy enough to stick together, but not creamy enough to not be able to be pressed down. If yours is grainy, add more creamed peanut butter and sugar. If it's too creamy, add more graham crackers. Then, refrigerate and enjoy. :)

I make these for work frequently and this recipe is usually enough for about 20 people. Unless I happen to be working with people who love peanut butter and chocolate. Then, it's enough for 10.

Aggression Cookies

I read a series of books called "Hannah Swensen Mysteries". Not so much because they're fascinating and wonderfully well written, but more because of the recipes. Anyway, I found a recipe for some cookies called aggression cookies in the book and ended up with an awesome recipe for light, crispy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies. Because this is a library book, I'm going to transfer the recipe onto here. You're welcome, future Valerie. I made very few changes to this recipe except making it much smaller. I especially love it because you can pound this and feel better.

Oven Temp: 350 degrees
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs, beaten-ish
1 cup of butter or 2 sticks
2 cups of oatmeal
1/2 cup of chocolate chips or raisins. Or both or neither.
1/4 tsp salt

Grease two cookie sheets. All you need to do with this is throw all the ingredients into a big bowl, make sure your hands are clean and squeeze and stir the cookie dough with your hands. Make sure the dough is smooth. Think angry thoughts. Stir some more until it's mostly smooth. My dough was really soft, so I was concerned for a bit, but it ended up making some tasty crispy-edged cookies, so I guess it was alright. I didn't like the cookies as much with added flour, so don't make that mistake.

Scoop the dough into rounded balls with a tablespoon and coat in granulated sugar. Bake for about 10-12 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown. Cool them on the sheets for a few minutes, then put onto wire racks.

And you're done. So, if you're ever short on time but craving some cookies, try these, future Valerie. Try these.

I may have finally have gone crazy.

If anyone hasn't read the Hyperbole and a Half ""Sneaky Hate Spiral", they should do so right now. I feel full of anger and unhappiness. For no particular reason except that I was sitting on a sofa eating with my parents, then my plate fell over and I was full of HATE. Apparently, this caused me to swear violently and audibly for about 5 minutes while I complained about the plate and the fact that the world was out to get me.
And now, I'm watching the Apprentice. This sucks so very very much. It apparently consists of weird men saying "Octane" over and over again until it has lost all meaning. God. I want to shoot myself now.
On another note, I guess it's weird that I named this blog snickerdoodles and sunshine. Am I happy? Am I full of tasty cookies and gladness? No. No, I'm not. Generally, I'm fine and stare vacantly off into space, but for some reason, I feel like just smashing the tv and Donald Trump's stupid toupee and the stupid runner up for California who graduated from Stanford Law and got a job but quit because it wasn't her "passion".

I recently realized that I may be completely crazed. I sometimes work with my boyfriend, not very often and I have a lot of stuff to say, but realize that work probably isn't the apropriate place to say those things. No, they're not sexual things because I work in a mental health facility so that would be weird and gross to be thinking of sex during work. I mean, I'm sure that our clients think about it, but that's totally beside the point. Because really, who wants to think about people having sex? I don't get porn. I think it makes little sense. Like vintage porn? Those are people's parents. Who wants to think about people's parents having sex? Thousands of people, according to the statistics on that particular video. Maybe it's about being part of a simpler time (the 70s) where people were in love when having sex. Actually, I doubt it. But seriously, if I came across people randomly having sex, I'd be all disturbed. I hope most people are.
I digress. I'm not thinking about sex. Or porn. Or waiting to talk to bf about them.
Now, I can't remember what I was thinking about. But, sometimes, I think about things and then I stare at him and laugh, then he looks at me creepily (no, wait, I'm the one being creepy, due to the laughing for no reason) suspiciously is the word I'm looking for. Then I laugh more and turn away and all the clients stare at me because it seems like their captor (I'm not really a captor because I have very little say on where or when they go - Yay community! - but they feel that way it seems) is way worse than they are. Then, amidst all the staring, I turn into a giant puddle of awkwardness and just look really intently at my computer screen while pretending nothing ever happened.

I need a hug.

Cats = People

I don't mean that people are cats. That would be way too awesome. But I found a website that tells people how to make their cats undepressed... That's not a word, but it should be. I've decided to try this on people I know (and on myself too!) and see what results this has.

http://www.readersdigest.ca/pets/health/cms/xcms/4-ways-to-cheer-up-a-depressed-cat_4188_a.html

As many as 40% of felines fall into funks out of sheer boredom, says Nicholas Dodman, director of the Tufts University animal behavior clinic. Why? Cats are safer indoors—away from cars and dogs—but the soft life can be downright dull. Signs of depression include overeating, lax grooming and sleeping at daybreak, when they should be up and hunting. Want to help your feline get out of their funk? Try one of these four ways to cheer up your kitty:





1. Give Kitty Your Attention on a Daily Basis
Play with your cat every day, even if he doesn't seem interested at first. "It's a misconception that cats are antisocial," says Dodman. "Some need just as much attention as dogs."







2. Purchase Toys that Your Cat Will Enjoy
Engage predatory impulses with interactive toys, like feathers on a string or laser mice toys.








3. Keep Kitty Active
Provide climbing towers and scratching poles to keep your cat from climbing the walls (or curtains).






4. Find a Friend for Kitty
Get your cat a pet to watch, like a gerbil, or put a bird feeder outside the window. Or, for the kitty who has everything, try a cat video. Pet AVision offers the adventures of Larry Lizard, Freddy Fish and Betty Bird.

What now?

School is over and for some reason, I'm busier than ever. I just got back from camping and I'm getting ready to finish my bar applications and prepping for going to California. Then, when I get back from CA, I'm heading for Vegas, followed by a week of bar preparation. Then, everything is pretty much open until the beginning of June. But anyway, I still need to figure out what to do for the summer. Perhaps work. Work is always good.

The Ugly Truth - Review

Yes, it's about 2 am and I'm watching Netflix. Other than the fact that instant watch may be the best thing ever invented, I have serious issues with some of the movies I watch.
First, I'm a sucker for romance. I watch romcoms, read semi-romance novels, and basically lap up any really sentimental song that comes onto the radio. But come on, I'm not dumb. I'm a law student. I realize the majority of this stuff is crap, but I can't seem to tear myself away from it.
I've had discussions with people about whether this is the equivalent of porn for women, and after years of arguing that it's not, I have to believe that it really is. See... as women, we want to believe that this stuff isn't porn-like because it's real and it reflects some facet of reality, but the truth is that it's just as bad as whatever your boyfriend is currently watching.
"The Ugly Truth" is not a brilliant movie, but it does contain some truth... The first 30-45 minutes of it, that is. The rest of it, i.e., the transformation of the jerk into some really sensitive soul who's in love with her for being herself, that's a load of horse crap. The truth is really just as simple as it's presented at the beginning of the movie, though it's a little wrong on what women want.
See, male porn is what men want: naked girls available to do whatever new thing they think up... Or basically, a female version of themselves that exists for one purpose, to placate their flaccid egos and tell them just how wonderful they are and throw themselves at them. This is actually a little sad, to tell the truth. How bad is it that men are so desperate for some form of validation that they have to turn to augmented bimbos just so they can feel like they have some type of purpose or fill some function? I mean, I'd feel bad for them if they weren't the cause of their own descent into the obsolete. Really, just learn to adapt. But, as Gerard Butler's character points out: " For men, self improvement ends with toilet training". Of course, this is oversimplification, but in reality, men have issues with change. They don't enjoy it and don't think it's good for its own sake.
Regardless... I'm not going to pretend I know what men think about this movie. Frankly, I don't much care. I suspect that the whole "men want girls to look pretty and be nice" argument is fairly valid. Again, men aren't that complicated. They want to be useful. They want people to like them and think they're awesome. They want to feel necessary. But, is it my job to make them feel that way? The Ugly Truth seems to think so...
The place where this movie goes a bit off track is with women, which is odd, since it was written by women. That may explain the gag-worthy romance at the end. It makes it seem that all women want is a list of awesome qualifications that they will then throw away for someone who loves them despite their quirks.
Yeah... That may be true, but it's a little more complicated. Women, just like most men, want to be indispensable. However, they've got years of socialization telling them that they should be different and nicer and blah blah blah. Whereas men blame their insecurities on the situation and remedy it by imagining themselves in places where they could get all that attention if only they could find the right girl in the right mood, women place the blame of themselves. They think that they suck and that they can only have a good relationship with the guy who realizes that they suck but loves them anyway.
The problem is... Girls don't suck. They just try way too hard to play games with men and focus on them way too much. Feminism, romantic comedies, music, everything in the freaking world focuses on men and why they do what they do. Just face it, girls... We're all exactly the same. Maybe we want a guy who loves us and wants us, but in reality we just want to be cherished, feel safe, and have fun. Men want the same thing. So... maybe if we all stopped focusing on how to "Get the guy and still be ourselves" and just focused on getting to know people we like, we could stop going through the crappy relationships and spending all that money on emotional porn.

Does that mean the Ugly Truth is a good movie? Probably not if you're attempting to find some deep meaning on male/female relationships, but it's funny-ish, cute, and predictable. Perfect movie for 2 am. And guys... if you ever get the "Why do you love me" question... Apparently, the correct response is "I don't know... I shouldn't, but I do" at least according to the movie. But if you ever date me, let me tell you right now that that's a cop-out and it doesn't work... Try finding some minuscule detail like "You squeak in your sleep" and that'll help you out way more. Just a tip, there.

Placement Break

I've got to say that Placement Break is probably the best week of law school, other than the fact that I always pack way too much in it.
Anyway, lessons I've learned from placement break:
1. You always have less time than you think. This applies to making your flight, checking into a hotel on time, and going out with other people. I learned this when I missed my flight out to Ohio by about 5 minutes due to a last minute gate change.
2. If you have to be cranky, make a joke out of it. People will then think you're crotchety instead of just being a jerk.
3. Ohio is cold in the winter. Not Utah cold, but bone-chilling, I think my fingers are going to fall off now cold.
And lots of other things, which I'll add later.

The auction is finally over.

Okay, that was premature. While the auction itself may be over, I still haven't notified the winners or gotten paid. But in a large sense, all the stress of items and how much money we might make is complete done.
There were some high points and low points to it. I mean, on one hand, I got a bar review course for way cheaper, but on the other, I could have gotten another one for about $100 less if I had hung in there for the live auction. Bleh.
Also, the whole "Never sold a black man before" thing was a fiasco. Luckily, our auctionee didn't say anything.
In other news. I'm tired. I'm in class right now, but overall, I have to say that if I make through today, it'll be a miracle. I really do need to have this auction/work/school thing over. I cannot wait until Saturday, when everything will finally be done!