I don't have anything of any real incidence to say tonight, but S posted, so I feel like I should as well. I did say that I wasn't a great person. It's fairly hard to motivate me, other than by presenting me with a competition or telling me that I'll be able to sleep more. I'm not sure S knows that this is a competition, but as of now, it totally is.
I'm kidding. It's not a competition. That would be ridiculous. Competing with a blog writer who has no idea I'm doing it would be just silly. Ha... *nervous laughter*
I work in a mental health institution (among other things, including starting a law firm... I need to actually talk to my first potential client... Hum) and lately, that's been causing me a lot of anxiety. Not because it's hard, or even because 3 people went to the hospital during my shift last week... I don't think talking to me would cause normal people to lose their minds, so it really can only be their own fault. *more nervous laughter*.
No. The real problem is that I'm afraid I'm losing my mind here because I keep measuring myself on the same bar as they measure the SPMI population (I believe those letters stand for seriously persistently mentally ill population). For instance, my daily monologue has gone from "Did I challenge myself today? How am I moving towards my goals?" to "Did I get out of bed today? Did I crap myself? Yes and No. Great. Good to go." That makes things that I always wanted to do, but didn't because they would seem crazy suddenly seem more accepptable. For example, laughing loudly at my own internal monolgue used to be a no-no, but now, if I have my clothes on, I think that's probably okay. Among other things I now find acceptable: hiding in the bathroom when I don't want to deal
with clients, random outbursts of words I find nice-sounding, calling my husband "corporal kitten-face", and the list goes on and on.
I'm afraid for myself. Very afraid.
