Thursday Night, no Friday Morning

Today I did something stupid. If you want to be technical, I did this stupid thing a while back... Like  a month ago, when I told someone I would work a graveyard shift on a Thursday. To be fair, it's not so bad right now. I'm not sleepy yet because I napped and also, it's still awake time for me. I digress...


There's a picture of a clock. Today, my goal for tonight is to embrace the internet all night long. I'm excited about this. I realize that I'm not supposed to be "overusing" the internet, but isn't that a contradiction in terms? So, I just realized that I am now in my late twenties. Not mid anymore. Late. Which is a step closer to 30, which I honestly never thought I would be. I just barely read this girl I know's blog (which was awesome) and she made this list of things to do before she turns 30. Since it's almost 1:00 in the morning and I always think I'm so filled with insight and awesomeness, I've decided to do the same. Yeah... Uh... What was it that I was typing? Crap. Again, almost 1:00 am, so... List of things. The truth is that my blogs end up being more diaries than anything else and I look back on them, thinking about my life.

So, things I want to do before I'm 27. Oh, my gosh. Grr... 27????! How am I going to be 27 next year? I don't feel 26 right now. I keep thinking I'm younger. How did this happen?
Okay, so I'm filled with more resolve to improve my life. I thought I had time to finish everything I wanted, but the way time is moving, I really don't.

   Things to Do Before Next Year (tentative list of realistic goals)
1. Quit this job (the one I'm at tonight. I love it, but all my friends are leaving it and I feel like I've outgrown it. Also... Law degree. Why am I cleaning in the middle of the night? Not that I'm not grateful for the job, again. I just want to move on, probably.).
2. Get a job that requires a J.D. or a Social Worker license.
3. Start paying my student loans.
4. Start investing 10% of my income (Yes, I have a plan. No, nobody seems to appreciate the genius of it. It sounds great, though).
5. Get down to a size four.
6. Start saving 10% of my income regularly.
7. Pay off my credit cards.
8. Call my out-of-town friends at least once a month.
9. Get a creative hobby. I feel like I need to do stuff with my hands and all my hobbies involve sitting.
10. See 5 new Utah sights (waterfalls, historical, etc.)
11. Visit my friends in New York. Maybe friend would be more accurate + people I know and like vaguely.
12. Go on a road-trip.
13. Take a week off! A whole week where I don't have anything to do or worry about. Hopefully with room service, but either way, that's fine.
14. Go to one full session of church at least once a month, on average. I've been jumping off and on the being LDS thing for the past 6 years or so. I feel like I need to make a decision one way or another. The whole ward reorganization thing may either help or hurt. I had a period of time where I was teaching Primary where I was all about going to church, but then had this period of time where I stopped caring.
15. Get drunk. Yes, I realize that this is in direct contradiction to the previous goal, but I promised a friend I would and I'm really really curious about what I'd be like drunk. People have told me I act drunk when I'm tired, but I'm curious about the actual drunkeness. I'm also not particularly worried about my addiction likelihood. I hate the taste of alcohol and hate the sensation of losing control, so alcohol wouldn't be my drug of choice.
16. Get a bike.
17. Stick to my SSS and increase frequency slowly.
18. Publish an article.
19. Clear up my skin using water drinking, etc.
20.   Organize my book collection.
21. Keep up with tithing.
22. Buy my parents a cruise.
23. Host a dinner party.
24. Host a murder mystery party... Sigh.
25. Make a friend.
26. Get a massage.
27. Get a professional mani-pedi.

I have other stuff I'd like to do, but I'm unclear about whether I'll have sufficient funds or time to do them before the end of the year. Things like get braces and lasik. Especially braces. I really want those. Sigh.

April Already

So, sitting around, waiting for it to be time to go to work, I've started to question the direction I'm taking in my life. Let's see this week, for example. What have I done? Well, I've gotten hooked on Teen Mom 2 due to the fact that 16 and Pregnant is one of the first shows on Hulu Plus and I felt compelled to follow the story. I've also always had a penchant for trashy tv, so there's that. In other news on the tv front, I've started to watch John Doe, which is okay as far as shows go, but sometimes unbelievable. For instance, right now: John Doe is sleeping. Someone wanders into his apartment, eats his cookies (upsetting, right?), then touches him, tracing his scar. He doesn't wake up, but then the stalker starts taking pictures of him and then, then, he starts to stir. Really? That's what might wake you up, a camera clicking? Not the touching or the skipping in your apartment? Also, I'm not sure what they're going for with this show.

Other things I've done this week... Worried about family members whose lives I can't impact... Played the Sims Medieval, which, awesome! Also, eaten out twice in three days. Oh, sushi. How I love you. I really do need to save more money, though.

Let's see, there's also work. I do that, sometimes. I worry about not working enough and about not having sufficient free time... Other than that, I also enjoy sleeping. I need to sleep more.

Oh, I've read quite a bit. Discovered that pay discrimination is still alive and well in my industry. As well as race discrimination. Maybe I should have been a doctor. Doctors seem to be much better.

Also, played Arkham Horror for the first time. That is a seriously enjoyable game. Yay.

I'm Officially Obsessed

     You'd think I've noticed before that I have a nasty tendency to go overboard with things I want to do. In today's case (not today so much as lately), it happens to be wedding fever. We haven't made any official announcements yet (mostly because of me), but we've been planning quite a bit. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, yay, because I'm getting married to someone who likes me, which is pretty rare. The people liking me, not the getting married to someone who likes you. I suspect that's fairly common, even if the liking rarely lasts.
     I digress. The whole point of this post is to  tell the world (or myself in three years) that I am obsessed. There should be some type of BA association that allows brides like me to get a handle on their problem. I wake up and look over sites about the difference between fondant and gumpaste. I am considering crafting a bunch of decorations out of teacups and paper mache.
     Also, burst into tears because of the thought that people might not like my dress, or the bridesmaids' dresses, or the theme. From there, became convinced that everyone was out to get me and didn't want me to get married, which fine because who wants to spend all their money on a wedding anyway. Except I do and it would be awesome and wonderful, but what if his parents hate me, etc...
     The general idea is clear. But the truth is that I need to focus on what is important in my life right now. And trust that if I follow the commandments and all the things that I am supposed to do, then I'd be able to finish everything as it should be done. That also means that everything will fall into place as long as I follow what I know I need to do.

     Also, I've started a new project: reading all the talks by the last two prophets. It should be interesting.
  

Eh.

So, what with my newfound obsession with weddings, I thought I should start chronicling everything that I need to do for it and how I'm doing it.
Also, I've recently discovered a love for the series "Fruits Basket". Instead of planning wedding things, I've been watching the series. It started out a bit childish, but has been getting progressively better. Apparently, it may be a custom to watch the New Year's sun come up. I'll be able to do that one this year, since I'll be working the graveyard. Sigh. Now I have to go to work. I wish I hadn't signed up for an activity shift today. Not because I dislike them, but more because I'd prefer to be snuggled in bed.

So, among the list of things I need to do:
- Finalize the guest count
- Get my ring resized.
- Start planting the garden before the ground is frozen. O_o

I'm happy, right?

For some reason today, I just can't sleep. I'm not sure why. I have work in the morning and I have a lot to do, but my thoughts are whirling around crazily. One of highlights of my day was hearing about my boss' (Mental Health-related, not law-related) magical powers. Which he does have. For some reason, whenever a problem arises at work and it affects his life, he makes it disappear instantly. Of course, the HSWs have some issues with him when he doesn't solve all the problems and brings people who make their lives difficult back, but that doesn't lessen his magic powers.
Maybe he should learn to use them better. That way, he could fix my life.
I think the real issue here is that nothing seemed to happen today. It was a good day, by all accounts, but left me feeling dissatisfied. I worked, ate lunch (tasty yummy sushi), went to work, saw my S.O. (significant other), then retired to my room to mull over the day. That's not a bad day by any means, but as I said, unsatisfying, like there's something else I should be looking for. Is this what it means to be an adult? That you spend the entirety of your day on a tiny treadmill, then go to sleep wishing that what you were doing meant more? Is tomorrow Tuesday? I volunteer on Tuesdays. I thought I'd love this, but I hate it. It's the same job I get paid for, except I don't get paid and nobody talks to me. Being a volunteer apparently means sitting in a windowless room that smells strongly of curry, where people deposit tasks in your box, then have you deposit the finished product in their box. Haven't they heard that human interaction is good? At this point, I'm not sure I'll keep this up. I like the legal experience I'm getting, but I get no real feedback and it interferes with my naps.
As I said, I'm happy. I'm not unhappy by any means. I just wish that I could do something meaningful, find out why I'm here.

Life (or something like it)

I woke up this morning thinking about what I've done over the past year. I'm not really sure why rainy weather makes me want to look at my goals, but it does. I think it may also be that I was reading "God is the Answer in an attempt to get myself out of the mood that's been rearing its ugly head with the non-stop rain this week. One of the passages is about trusting God and not being dependent on other events to be happy. I mulled it around in my head a bit and realized that a lot of things have happened this year because of God's influence in my life. A lot of the things that "I've accomplished" were really only possible with His help because at the beginning of this year, I was so depressed that leaving my bed to go to class was almost impossible for me. I digress, though. I'm a lot better now and I'm happy with my life. Ish. 

Back on track then.

What I've done this year:

- Broke up with my old boyfriend and stayed friends with him. Yay!

- Made a few friends that I didn't have before.

- Started meetup groups online, where I mostly hung out with people from work. Which is fine because the people I work with are AWESOME.

- Started dating my current boyfriend, who is quite possibly the sweetest guy on the face of the planet. (I suspect him of being a serial killer, but that's really quite irrelevant.) For some odd reason, he appears to find me enthralling, which goes back to him being a serial killer, but that's fine.

- Went on several road trips: Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Boise, to be precise. 

- Made a bucket list of things to do. That's on this list because it was quite a project. It took an entire weekend. 

- Graduated from law school. Gimpily, but still graduated.

- Became obsessed with sushi and tried several restaurants.

- Took the Idaho Bar Exam. Passed the Idaho Bar Exam.

- Started a board game group, which sounds more boring than it is. 

- Made an 8 course dinner with the help of above suspicious boyfriend. 

- Got a part-time job doing legal work, which is nice. 

Hum. That's a fairly short list, but I find it meaningful. I'm grateful for everything that's happened this year. I feel like my life is going somewhere. Slowly, maybe, as I figure stuff out. But it's definitely doing something. 

Okay, I doubt my boyfriend is a serial killer. He's more likely part-robot or something like that. 

How to be Invisible in Your Own House

This is one of those times where I wish I could illustrate things and add pretty pictures of what I do. But, unfortunately, I can't, despite those drawing lessons. I bet my brother could illustrate this, but I digress. 

Today is one of those days where I just want to build a fort out of blankets and hide. Like so:

Unfortunately, that leads to uncomfortable questions about why it seems reasonable to hide under blankets at 25. So, the next best thing for me is to apply skills that I've learned from clients at work on how to make people forget you exist. 

1. Have on hand things that don't require silverware or plates. An easy way to do this is to have paper plates on hand or eat off napkins. 

2. Get awesome headphones. The last thing you want is for people to know you're awake or home because of the sound of your computer. 

3. Get a netflix subscription (or hulu, or whatever). 

4. Make sure your room is clean.

The best way to get people to ignore you is to make sure there's absolutely nothing to say to you. If you have dirty laundry, a dirty room (or side of the room), dirty plates, or anything else that might require someone else's input. 

There's more to this, but for now, I'll take a nap.